


Azula's Search

by DivergentDemigodWiz



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Mommy Issues, family probs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-10-24 14:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10743186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivergentDemigodWiz/pseuds/DivergentDemigodWiz
Summary: Takes place at the end of The Search part 3. Includes last scenes in Azula's pov and continues with her after she runs away. Will Azula and Ursa ever make amends? Will Zuko be able to help his sister? Read to find out. Spoilers for The Search. Other characters included. AU to Smoke and Shadow.





	1. The Decision

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR THE SEARCH PART 3
> 
> This is my first fanfic, so sorry if it sucks. I will try and stay as close to what I think the original characters would do.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender or any of its characters. Nor do I own any of the relating Comics. i.e. The Search part 3
> 
> Please Read&Review. I appreciate any comments so I can make it better.
> 
> Starts on pg. 58 of The Search part 3
> 
> I recommend reading/rereading the Search so you're not confused. :)

Chapter 1: The Decision

“You’re not going anywhere!” I yell as I pounce, pinning her to the wall with a loud whump. “It all ends right now!” I raise my left palm, ablaze with my blue fire, above her head while pinning her to the wall with my right.

“I don’t know…what you’re…talking about…” she exclaims with a pained look on her face.

“Oh really mother?! So I’ve imagined all this? You haven’t been trying to take me down from the moment I was born?!” I retaliated.

Silly mother trying to fool me. Ha. She may have changed her face but I know it’s her. I know the truth. I’ve figured out her plan. Her plan to destroy me. After all these years and she still persists. I shall destroy her first.

I start to move my hand the slightest bit forward.

“Azula, let her go!”

I stop my hand. Pathetic Zuzu always butting in.

“Stay back, Zuzu! I’m warning you!”

I think back to my sole purpose for coming when the woman, victim to my plan, puts her hand on my left cheek. With tears in her soft pleading eyes she says just above a whisper “If what you say is true…if I really am your mother…then I’m sorry I didn’t love you **enough**.”

My chest grows tight and tears sting my eyes, threatening to escape.

A hand wraps around my wrist and I am pushed away, freeing the woman from my clutches. “No!” I exclaim, reaching for her.

“Get away from her!” Zuzu shouts while throwing me aside.

Stupid! I let her get to me once again! I must not let such weakness overtake me. I send an angry fire blast at Zuzu. He evades and sends a flaming kick my way, but I am too fast for him, flipping backward I dodge his flames. I send a flurry of punches and kicks. He avoids them like the prancing fool he is.

“Oh for crying out loud, stop moving!” I yell in frustration. He should have been defeated by now. What is happening?

I know, I’ll give him some lightening. I muster up some of the blue energy at my fingertips, ready to strike.

“Don’t do it. I told you already, I know how to deal with your lightening. I can redirect it **anywhere**.”

I send him a sharp glare. Sorry Zuzu.

“AAARGH!” I shoot the bolt at him.

In one smooth motion he catches the bolt and sends it back at me. I have no defense. I don’t know how to redirect my own creation. It its me in the chest, flinging me backward into a chest of drawers. It was far less powerful a blast than I sent at him, he must have took some off it. But why?

Maybe if I try reasoning with him, he’ll let me proceed.

“Don’t you get it, Zuzu?! You and I will finally be free! You of a throne you never really wanted, and me of this incessant nagging in my head!” I say as I point to my right temple.

He narrows his eyes at me. “No you’re wrong.”

I grab the letter from my boot and wave it in front of him.

“Oh, stop kidding yourself! The other morning when you had me over that cliff, why didn’t you just let go? You could’ve gotten rid of me and this letter!” I sit up sending him a challenging glance. “It would have been so easy! Admit it! You need me to help you be free!”

He pulls out the royal Fire Lord’s hairpiece from his robes looks down at it.  
This is it. I’ve done it. I will take my rightful place as Fire Lord, just like father intended.

“In my heart I know - - I’ve always known - - “ I lean forward the slightest bit. Yes here it is. No. Wait, what is he doing?

“ - - that the **throne** is my **destiny**.” He says while putting the hairpiece in place.

No. What is he doing? He looks down at me with a determined look, but there is something else there. Pity? Sadness?

“That morning on the cliff…Azula, our relationship is so **messed up**. It’s been like that as long as I can remember. And maybe it’ll be like that for the rest of our lives. But one fact never changes. No matter what, you’re still my **sister**.”

There’s that tight feeling in my chest again. Tears begin to form. I shut my eyes tight. I can’t show any weakness. He doesn’t mean it. “Shut up.” I say just above a whisper. I have to leave. I’ve lost control.

“Shut up!” I scream while opening my eyes and getting up. I drop the letter while sending a fire blast at him, which he easily distinguishes. But I have created the diversion I need in order to escape.

In an instant I am on feet and shoving my way through the broken wall to my left. I hit the sharp night air and run.

I can hear Zuzu’s pleas behind me.

“Azula! Come back!”

I can hear his light footsteps treading behind me. I pick up the pace. I need to get away. I can’t think.

“Come back! Please! I can help you! I **want** to help you!”

Tears flow freely down my cheeks. He can’t help me. No one can. I’m a monster. Foolish Zuzu, always believing he can change things.

I stop and face him.

“Same as always, Zuzu. Even when you’re **strong** …you’re **weak**.” I say before taking off again back towards the forest.

I hear him call my name once more, but I continue. I can’t be here. I can tell from the shadows that a bright light is forming behind me. It’s just the distraction I need to get away. I head for the darkness of Forgetful Valley. I’d rather face that retched forest than what I leave behind.

The last words I hear are “Fire Lord, **look**.”

I have reached the cover of the trees now. I take a chance glance back. No sign of Zuzu.

_He is not the weak one._

I let out a sob, but keep moving, working my way deeper into the dark forest. The salty tears flow freely from my puffy red eyes. I continue running. I need to get as far away as possible.


	2. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2. 
> 
> Comments are welcome and appreciated, I'd loved to hear what you think (even if you don't like it).

Chapter 2: Escape

The branches grab at my hair and my clothes, trying to restrict me as if to say, “turn back.” I ignore their pestering and run even faster, tearing my clothes and cutting my face in the process.

It seems as if I have been running for hours. My face starts to sting from the salty tears that have seeped into the minuscule fissures. There is a sharp pain in my chest. I don’t know whether it’s from the lightning or from the turmoil of my pounding heart. My lungs are on fire and there is a metallic taste on my tongue. I start to stumble but I push onward through the restraining arms. I light my right palm, extending it in front of me to clear a path through the thicket of branches. I run through my blue flames irritably.

A loose vine snags my foot and I fly through the air. I land in a tumble that knocks my hair lose. I finally skid to a stop. My body aches and I lie there for a moment. Shadows dance around in the blue light, mocking me in my own ring of fire. I try to sit up but ultimately fall back into the soft soil. I accept my defeat and stay there. Ugly sobs start to rack my body.  I can’t breathe. My throat is thick and let out a wretched scream as if to clear it. My throat seems all the more thick. I furiously breathe fire, setting a nearby tree ablaze, adding more life to the merciless terrors. My whole body starts throbbing along with the aching in my chest.

What is happening to me? I haven’t lost this much control since that Water Tribe peasant got the best of me. What a horrible failure I was that day! If father saw me in such a weakened state… Get it together Azula! You are Princess of the Fire Nation! You are a prodigy! Perfection is key! You can’t be soft like Zuzu!

Zuzu. After all that I have done to him, he still wants to help me. No! That’s a lie! He doesn’t care about me. He’s just being foolish.

_ You are the one being foolish. _

“Ahhh!!!”

“I hate him and he hates me! That’s the way it was always meant to be!”

_ He doesn’t hate you. He loves you _ .

“Get out of my head!” I scream while sitting up and squeezing my temples.

“Stop patronizing me Mother!! I know you are behind this!!” I look around waiting for her to reveal herself. For the first time her apparition doesn’t appear.

“Please, Mother! Stop! What do you want from me?”

No answer. I look around once more and see a small flicker of something.

“Gotcha.” I get up and walk towards the area, a devious smile on my face. I come across one of the stupid spirit pools, but my mother is nowhere to be found.

“Where are you? I know you’re here! Come out and face me!”

I kneel over the pool and shut my eyes as tears once again take form. She doesn’t want me. She never wanted me. That’s why she had another daughter. To replace me. I can’t help the small river from flowing freely behind my closed lids.

_ That is not true and you know it. She loves you. _

I open my eyes and I see my reflection. Though a soft expression is on my face, surely not the crazed and desperate one I’m displaying now. It is so alien to my features; I hardly recognize it as myself.

_ She loves you Azula. _ She says in a soft, heartfelt tone.

More tears spill from my eyes. “She loves Zuko more. She always has. She thinks I’m a monster.” I say as I look away from the reflecting pool.

_ No, Azula—. _

“It’s true!” I cut myself off.

“I am a monster. I’ve done horrible, unspeakable things for power. And look how far that’s got me!” A cruel laugh escapes my lips. “I strive for perfection, but am the farthest thing from it. I don’t have anything. No power, no father, no honor, no friends, nothing. My own Mother, chose to forget me. I am alone.”

_ You are not the only one she chose to forget. _

“Yeah, well Zuzu had Uncle! That silly old tea loving fool! Who was there for me?! No one! Father was there, but he only cared about my skill. He didn’t care about me. And Mai and  Ty Lee only feared me! They didn’t care for me! They betrayed me! Nobody cares about me.”

_ You are wrong. Your Mother and Zuko love you very much. They want to help you. _

“Help me? Ha! Zuzu put me in an institution! And Mother, what has she ever done to help me? They don’t care!”

_ Yes, they do. They both care for you deeply. Give them a chance. Accept their love. _

I look back into the water, a pitiful pleading face staring back at me. Tears hit the sacred pool, creating ripples in the unfamiliar expression.

 

“Agh!” I scream while slashing the water with my hand. I fall backward spreading my limbs and shut my aching eyes. I release a deep sigh and look up at the stars in an attempt to clear my mind and relax. My tender muscles pulse and my head is pounding from the war raging internally. I close my eyes once again, and beg for sleep to relieve the pain.

“Mother.” I whisper before falling into the numbing abyss.


	3. Turning Point

**Here it is Chapter 3. Sorry it took so long.**

**It is a flashback. Beginning scenes taken from "Zuko Alone" and "The Search part 2".**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

 

Chapter 3: Turning Point

_*flashback*_

"Dad is going to kill you." I sing while leaning against the doorframe. "Really, he is." I taunt while turning my head to look at Zuzu with a smirk on my face. He is lying in his enormous bed.

"Haha, Azula. Nice try." He defends, sitting up.

"Fine. Don't believe me. But I heard everything." I walk over to his bed making sure to keep eye contact. "Grandfather said Dad's punishment should fit his crime."

I latch on to the nearby bedpost and hoist myself up on his bed.

"You must know the pain of losing a first born son." I perform in mock imitation of Azulon while walking to the adjacent bedpost. I swing around it and shoot Zuzu an intense look. " **By sacrificing your own.** " I exclaim dramatically.

"Liar." An angry pout forms on his face while he looks at the sheet clutched between his hands.

I soften my face.

"I'm only telling you for your own good." I sit down next to him. "I know. Maybe we can find a nice Earth Kingdom family to adopt you!"

"Stop it, you're lying!"

He cringes. "Dad would never do that to me."

"Your father would never do what to you? What is going on here?" Mother is suddenly in the doorway. She gives me a harsh look.

"I don't know." I feign innocently. I gave her my most harmless face. She walks over to me and grabs my right wrist, pulling me off the bed.

"It's time for a talk." She says sternly, seeing right through my innocent facade. She drags me out of the room and through the dark hallways. I know I'm in trouble, but I'm just going to be scolded and sent to my room like always. Suddenly we stop. She turns and holds my arms at my side. She kneels down, so we were face to face.

"Spill it, Azula."

I look down not wanting to meet her demanding glare.

"Well…I accidentally overheard grandfather talking to daddy in the throne room."

" 'Accidentally'? " She questions with disbelief. This woman can always tell when I am lying. I don't know how she does it. Turning my head to avoid her unyielding gaze, I continue.

"Daddy asked for Uncle Iroh's birthright and grandfather got really, really mad. He couldn't believe daddy would do something like that so soon after cousin Lu Ten's death! Now for his punishment, daddy has to get rid of Zuko! Grandfather wants him to know the pain of losing his firstborn!"

Mother gasps and her jaw drops. She releases me and stands up. She turns to walk away as if she forgot I was here.

"Oh, mommy! I'm so scared for Zuko! You don't think daddy would really do something like that, do you?" I finally meet her gaze once again giving her my most innocent expression. Her face hardens.

"Go to bed, young lady. **Now.** "

She gives me her back and walks away. Not the response I was hoping for, but the one I knew she'd give. I head for my room, a slight smirk creeping up on my features. Father wouldn't really kill him, probably just fake his death and send him away, only to be seen on private visits. Mother would probably want to go with him since she's always fawning over the little baby. But that would raise suspicion. So she would be forced to stay here with me.

With Zuzu out of the way, all the attention will be on me. Father will become Firelord one day and I will follow after him, just like he always dreams of. I will be his only child and I will do him proud. And mother will finally give me the attention I deserve, and I will welcome her company, finally proving to her that I am not a complete monster. A full-blown smile is on my face by the time I reach my room. I change into my nightclothes and climb into my obscenely large bed. I fall asleep to the wonderful thought that soon I will have everything I've always dreamed of.

I wake up and it's still dark. It must be the early hours of the morning. There's some commotion going on in the hallway. I get out of bed and tiptoe over to the door. As I approach I hear hushed voices. I twist the knob and pull just enough that a sliver of light shines on my face. I can see two servants frantically murmuring.

"Dead?"

"Yes. A messenger came to give him some news and found him in his bed, dead."

"Oh, my."

"Yes, they say that he must have pasted in his sleep. Old age probably."

"I can't believe it. Fire Lord Azulon. Dead."

I gasp. I did not expect this. Grandfather dead. The two servants spot me. Contained panic washes over them.

"Princess Azula you should be asleep."

I open the door fully and step out into the hallway. "Grandfather is dead?"

The two servants look at each other and then back at me. Finally, one steps forward. Bending down to my level as she replies.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I am so sorry Princess Azula."

"Does that mean that father is the new Firelord?"

"Yes. Apparently, Firelord Azulon decided that your father, Prince Ozai, should succeed him shortly before he passed. Your father's coronation will be later today."

Oh, this is wonderful. Father will make a much better Firelord than Azulon.

"Princess, you should go back to sleep and get some rest."

"Okay." I mutter and rub my eyes feigning tired. I return to my room and dress quickly. If father is to be the new Firelord does that mean he's killed Zuko?

I open the door once again and the servants are nowhere to be seen. I run down the hallway towards my desired location. I burst into Zuzu's room. He is snoring heavily on the bed. He is still asleep. He is still alive. Of course he is. Father wasn't actually going to kill him. I don't know why I even bothered to check. I turn to leave when something catches my eye. It is Zuzu's pearl dagger. The one Uncle gave him. Without a second thought I snatch it up and tuck it into my boot.

Hmm. I wonder how mother is taking the news. Probably sulking by the turtleduck pond no doubt. I make my way over to the palace gardens. There is a faint glow of the upcoming dawn on the mountain's horizon. I look around. No sign of her. Maybe she's under the apple tree. I check and find nothing but fallen apples. Hmm. Perhaps she's in her room. I walk down the dimly light hallways, hiding from a couple servants in the process. As I walk down the hallway to her room I get an eerie feeling. It seems darker and colder than usual. I shake off the feeling and slowly walk in.

It is dark and cold with no sign of life. I glance at the bed and it is still made from yesterday morning. Odd.

Suddenly the answer to her whereabouts strikes me. She's probably with father planning the coronation. How foolish of me to think otherwise. I decide to walk to father's study.

The door is open and I stroll inside. To my surprise I don't see her. Counselors and servants surround Father.

"Azula. What are you doing out of bed?"

I focus my attention on him.

"Where's mother? I heard grandfather died and I went to find her."

An angry look comes across his face as he answers.

"She's gone." He says simply.

My heart leaps into my throat and my scalp prickles.

"What?"

"She's gone." He says more sternly.

"Why?"

"No one knows, and it's best not to dwell on it."

"But-"

"Azula! She is gone and she is not coming back! Do you understand?"

"Yes, father."

"Good. Now leave me I have important things to take care of." With that the conversation is over. I leave his presence and run with no destination. Unwanted tears form in my eyes. I blink hard. I must not show weakness.

Mother is gone? But why? It doesn't make any sense. Zuzu is still here. She wouldn't dare leave without him, or me. Even as I think it, I don't believe it. Tears begin to stream down my face. The truth is she would leave without me. But Zuko? That's what I am confused about. She wouldn't go anywhere without her precious Zuko. Maybe she's not gone for good. Maybe she's coming back. But father said she wasn't and he seemed to mean it. Father is not one to say things he doesn't mean. Before I know it I'm back in her abandoned room. If she's gone forever, then why didn't she at least say goodbye?

My tears stop as anger flows through me. I crease my brow and clench my jaw. I curl my fingers into a tight fist, creating a popping sound. She didn't even say goodbye! I know she thinks I'm a monster, but she could at least pretend to care! My fists are so tightly clenched that my long nails embed themselves into my palm. I can feel the fire growing within me. My knuckles start to smoke as I stare at her bed.

"HUH AHH!"

I send a flaming punch at the silk sheets. They quickly are engulfed in blue flames; they slowly fade into the familiar orange. I study my hands. They look normal, minus the couple moon shaped blood spots from my nails. I turn and send another set of flames at her dresser. I get the same result: blue flames. A wicked smile forms on my lips. I'll show her just how monstrous I can be. I begin slashing and punching and kicking, hurling blue flames everywhere. When I am finished nothing is left, just fire. I turn and let the room burn. Now it is just another unused room.

* * *

 

**Ahhh blue flames! Hoped you liked it. Chapter 4 shouldn't take as long. Thanks for reading. :)**

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Don't be afraid to tell me, positive or negative.
> 
> Still trying to figure out how to work this site, so any tips or advice is welcome and your patience is appreciated.
> 
> Next chapter will be out shortly.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


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